Single, Sad, & School.

DISCLAIMER: This is a long post. But please read it and give me your HONEST opinion, because I could really use it…along with some words of encouragement because I feel like shit. Thanks in advance.

Well, I’m sad because I’m single. But I’ll get to that in a moment. School started 4 days ago. Because of my breakup with my boyfriend (Which happened to be on the same day as school), needless to say, I was flustered and not focused. I was unable to concentrate for a long period of time without exploding into tears. But after some ice cream & alcohol, I’m doing okay.

I want to do good this semester, especially since it is my last semester, ya know? I want to put my best foot forward. I’ve decided I’m going to focus on school, and my business.

Oh, good news, my business got a loan! For $950! Not much, but it’s the first loan I’ve ever gotten because I made $10K last year, which let me qualify for a loan. I’m so excited. I’m really going to make it last and work for my tutoring company.

But back to the breakup: I got my hair done 2 weeks ago, and it was beyond overdue. I thought my boyfriend ex would understand that I needed to get my hair done. I’m black. We get our hair relaxed/permed every 6-8 weeks. I was going on about 11-12 weeks! Almost a month past due. I looked a hot mess. But anwways, I got my hair done and felt good. Keep in mind, this was not the first time I’ve gotten my hair done since I’ve been with him. Then I went to his house for like 4 days straight and spent time with him and his daughter.

My ex is very insecure because his previous girlfriend cheated on him. So he’s paranoid that I was/will do that to him too. But I try to explain this to him: I’ve been cheated on by EVERY SINGLE GUY I’VE EVER DATED! *Which makes me feel like SHIT.* But my point is, I understand what it feels like to be cheated on…and the pain, hurt & anger that one feels due to that…so WHY THE FUCK (excuse my language) would I want to cause that kinda pain to someone else? I don’t understand. I would never do that! The way I see it is if I no longer want you, or are no longer attracted to you, I’ll just break up with you before I cheat on you…plain and simple!

Anyways, so I got my hair done. That was strike one I guess. Strike two: he came to my house while I wasn’t home (I was at work. We have keys to each other’s houses) & there was a black dress that my MOM gave to my GRANDMA to give to me, and my grandma got this dress during the course of the 4 DAYS that I was with my ex at his house, so I had NEVER seen it before–not to mention, it wasn’t even in my room! My grandma had it folded and tucked AWAY in a chair at the kitchen eating area. Which means he was snooping to have found it. Becuase I hadn’t seen it when I had got home from HIS house that day and went straight to work.

Strike Three: when I was at his house, I was texting under the covers because his house is FREEZING because he has no heat. So when he asked me why was I under the covers with my phone, I told him the truth: I’m texting my best (female) friend Brittany, and I didn’t wanna take my hands out from under the covers because I was cold AF.

Now lets add everything up to see how he came to his conclusion: “So when you say you’re *Tutoring* that’s code for you going on a date with another nigga, huh?

This dress can’t fit your grandma so I know it’s yours!And you just got your hair done…new hair, new dress. Nah bro…he can have you. And you been acting sneaky AF hiding shit under the covers and shit.”

DUDE. REALLY?! Please be honest with me people (if you’ve read this far down) Am I suspect? Does that seem rational? His conclusion? Like..do I seem like I am cheating? If you were him, would you come to the same conclusion? I got upset. I think I was entitled to it, because he’s ALWAYS accusing me…and honestly I feel like he’s paranoid becuase HE’S out there doing his dirt. Becuase I’ve been nothing but faithful… 🙁

Anyways…so he broke up with me. And I haven’t spoken to him. He has to come get his stuff, like his clothes and xbox and stuff and his keys from my house and give me the stuff I have at his house…but please give me some clarity on this and let me know what you think. Thank you. Its crazy though…10 days before Valentine’s day too. And in March it would have made a year that we would have been together.

I just added emojis reactions. You can use that too, and comment.

3 comments

  1. This might not be want you want to hear but I think you’re better off without him. Of course, everyone brings baggage into a relationship but your ex allowed that baggage to get in the way and let his insecurities ruin something that could have been amazing if he had just communicated with you. In my eyes, you displayed NONE of the signs of cheating and I think your ex was just being paranoid. I understand his past, but if you’re going to be in a relationship then you have to learn to trust.

    Congratulations on getting your business loan! And hope this semester turns out well for you, despite everything that has happened. It’s good to channel all your energy into something else and take your mind off what has happened.

    Hope you feel better <3

    1. Everyone’s been telling me that. I might need to accept it. We are going to talk this weekend and see what conclusions we come to. He gave me a half-assed apology, but that doesn’t change/fix anything. and thank you! So far this semester is going well!

  2. I am sorry to hear about what happened. Even though you’ve broken up, it might be for the better because you deserve someone who trusts you and wouldn’t put you through this. I think you deserve better by far. Hope you’ll heal. Sending you lots of love!!! You have a lot ahead of you :)!

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